LSU's Joe Burrow won the Heisman. Here are some other college football award winners

Nation, we have a Heisman winner. His name, Joe Burrow...or is it Burreaux?

Burrow had a stellar season for the LSU football team. His 4,715 passing yards and nation-leading 48 passing touchdowns made him an easy favorite to win the Heisman trophy.

In all honesty, the Heisman award is ridiculous. Not that it honors the nation's top player, no, those gentleman have earned the acclaim. It is merely a vessel to get ratings and eventually give the award to (usually) the quarterback of the best perceived team.

In Burrow's defense, he likely is the best QB in the nation. At worst, he is top three and will likely be getting a sizable payday from the NFL in the upcoming draft.

So, in honor of the pure jocularity of the award, here are the first, and likely last, annual Lake Report awards for top award-winners deserving of awards.

The Brett Favre award
Brett Favre is a Hall of Famer from his time with the Green Bay Packers. He was a true gunslinger who would fit in with today's 7-on-7 passing mentality. He also had 336 interceptions.

This year, the Favre award goes to Washington State's Anthony Gordon. Gordon led the nation with 5,228 yards and was second in touchdowns with 45. He also tied Utah State's Jordan Love with a nation-leading 16 interceptions.

Why did he beat out Love for this covetous reward? Because this isn't the Timmy Chang award and Gordon was semi-successful this year at throwing a lemon-shaped ball.

The Navy award
No, this doesn't go to the nation's top player from the naval academy. If it did, it would go to the entire offensive line. No, this award is in honor of former Navy standout Keenan Reynolds, who holds the all-time record of rushing touchdowns with 88.

This award goes to what can be considered the nation's most efficient runner: Western Michigan's Levante Bellamy.

Bellamy led the nation with 23 scores this year with 248 carries. Fifteen percent of the time, Bellamy is scoring when he touches the ball.

For comparison, Oklahoma State's Chuba Hubbard led the country in yards (1,936), had 21 scores on 309 carries, scoring just six percent of the time per touch. Or Heisman finalist J.K. Dobbins from Ohio State. Twenty touchdowns on 283 carries shakes out to just seven percent.

The Antonio Brown award
Yes, I know he isn't in football right now, and I already covered him earlier this year, which you can read here (cheap plug).

No, this award goes to the nation's receptions leader who probably shouldn't be seeing so many balls come his way.

Meet Texas' Devin Duvernay. His nation-leading 103 catches his something to applaud. But I think he may have been taking his targets for granted. He finished fourth nationally in yards, but with just eight touchdowns, me-thinks Texas might want to find someone who scores more.

Look at Omar Bayless from Arkansas State. Now there is a guy who knows the game, with a second-in-the-nation 16 touchdowns on 84 catches. Not only is he economical with his catches, he's equal with his name recognition.

Only the people in Jonesboro know who he is.

The Florida State award
You could also dub this the Wide Left Award.

The Seminoles are known for their inability to hit field goals in the clutch. So it is fitting the FSU award should go to the nation's lowest percentage kicker.

And fate would have it, it goes to a Florida State kicker.

Ricky Aguayo hit 53 percent of field goals this year.

We can't all have a Gabe Brkic from Oklahoma or Jake Koehnke from Air Force I guess and expect to have 100 percent of field goals.

The "We don't need no stickin' (offense)" Award
Dated movie reference aside, this award goes to the player who returns the most returns for touchdowns.

This year we have a tie, going to TCU's Jalen Reagor with two punt returns for scores and Kansas State's Joshua Youngblood with three on kickoff returns.

Really thought the number would be higher when I thought of this award. Oh well, enjoy this clip from "Treasure of Sierra Madre."

The "Mine" award
Defensive backs are selfish and don't like to share, just like small children. Why else would they point at other guys when they do something wrong and always want the ball?

The mine award goes to the defensive back who was the greedest of all and took the ball from opposing offenses the most.

Congratulations to Meiko Dotson from Florida Atlantic with nine interceptions. We can now all assume the rest of the contenders will now cry about it until they get a cookie...a football shaped cookie.

The final award for this event that sadly has no corporate sponsorship, disallowing me to drag this out for three hours is...

The Kurtwood Smith award
Watch "That 70's Show" for the reference. Or just watch this clip.

 In short, this award goes to the administration with the dumbest coaching move made, and needs a good talking to by ole' Red himself...and to be clear, not the Kurtwood Smith from Robocop, which "That 70's Show" is definitely a prequel for.

Congrats to Arkansas for hiring Sam Pittman. Nothing against the man, Pittman is a helluva offensive line coach and recruiter. But why would Arkansas first fire Chad Morris midway through year two to bring in an unproven guy when it came to head coaching.

Other contenders were Colorado State for Steve Addazio, UNLV for making the same mistake it made with Tony Sanchez again with Marcus Arroyo, Rutgers for not just cancelling its program, Arizona for keeping Kevin Sumlin, Vanderbilt for keeping Derek Mason and Tulsa for keeping Philip Montgomery.

That's it folks. There are your winner's, although that last award doesn't feel like a winner.

Finally, and little advice for the holidays. Keep it light, have a sense of humor (as you hopefully did with this article), enjoy the mirth with a side of your favorite adult beverage and stay for the love of all that you value, stay away from politics.

We have all of 2020 to get through, let's pace ourselves.